What are we fighting for ?

I thought the fight was about abolishing discrimination and hate toward our people, and get everyone on the same pedestal. To me what’s going on don’t really seem to go that way. I feel like many people are taking the black pride too far. It looks like they don’t actually work for a world without people being judged and discriminated for what they represent, looks more like a coup; the victims taking the power off the hands of the oppressors. People take things so far that it scares me, for it proves that we really have a long way to go before we meet peace in this world. Basically yesterday I was going through my feed, and there were a picture of a white woman, showing off her new tattoo. It represented African continent, with a red heart on South Africa. I thought it was actually nice, and moved on. Today I saw that same post on another page, and the owner of the page aggressively blamed that girl’s choice, denying her the right to wear that tattoo and express her love for the continent. The picture had a big red cross on it, and you could read “you cannot claim ancestry to a land your forefathers murdered their way into”. I was completely shocked by seeing this. I mean yes Africans were originally black, and yes white people forced their way to settle in the continent. YES. Now let’s just be realistic, accusing all white people for the suffering of our ancestors doesn’t make any sense to me. Those who actually did that are dead and rotten.  What do we expect from their descendants? To pay us back? HOW. We could ask to countries like France, to give us our money back because, well France have kept robing west African countries for centuries, and it is still going on. But to me it is totally wrong to go to any individual and make him responsible of the shit that went wrong before that person even came to life. That is completely wrong. We cannot do that. You see that’s the same issue being fought over here in Europe. When African people migrated 50 years ago to Europe, built their families here, and still some white folks will never consider them as Europeans. The problem is many of the descendants of those immigrants have never been out of Europe, they know nothing about the country of origin of their parents. You can’t expect those do define themselves as Africans more than Europeans. We’re trying to explain why somebody’s skin tone can’t define his nationality or culture. You can’t tell to immigrants descendants that they are not European for the simple reason that you think Europeans are only whites. So when I see black people doing that same thing, denying somebody his right to decide where he belongs to, I despair.

And all this debate about race and discrimination had me thinking how I position myself on that issue. The thing is, until lately I haven’t been confronted to racism. I don’t even know how to define racism in a first place. But I don’t think I’ve experienced it younger, because I never thought that anytime I get rejected, it had something to do with my color. I don’t  think that I’ve lost a chance to do something because I’m black. I don’t think my skin color made any damage to my life. No kid ever refused to play with me because I was a black kid, I never got hurt by something ugly said toward my blackness. The jobs I’ve applied nobody said no to me because I’m black. But lately I’ve been encountering more and more situation where my skin color became a problem. The question I ask myself all the time, is whether there are more stupid people in the world, or is that just me focusing more on that. I wasn’t even thinking about racism before. You know, if a job was denied to me somewhere, I’d just apply somewhere else, because the other one probably found somebody better than me regarding their needs and that’s it. I kept going ahead and doing my best to get wherever I wanted to go. But Lately I found myself doubting and being literally scared to apply somewhere. I have that voice deep in my heart, telling that anyway “there are not much chance I get it because I’m black and people don’t want black people here”. But nobody told me that. I made that up myself because I’m surrounded by people focused on how racist our system is. I’m an immigrant. I didn’t came here to simply settle my self, be a European and stay. My parents brought me here to give me better options, a greater education and enhance my chances, to help them back. I think the plan for African immigrants is never to stay. When you leave your country, you don’t just hold your own destiny; your entire family is dependent of your success. I did not risk my life to get here, but everyday I’m thinking about those who do, and I can’t hold my tears (as right now). I think of all the danger they are ready to confront to get to the same place I am, and it makes me burst into tears and got me angry. I’m angry all the time because I wish people, of any country, would never have to flee from their homes. That the only reason that would get us to another place is curiosity or a passion for traveling, but not hunger, not despair, not war, not death treat. I wish we all worked together to make this world a better place, rather than locking up jealously in what we think belongs to us. Why can’t we just stop that property obsession? This world is to share, not to be divide into private properties.  Sometimes I think about the torture some of my people endure to get here, I think about the women being raped and trafficked. I think about the men enslaved and used as we do with animals, beaten up and starved. I think of the children… and get nauseous, I feel the pain in my whole body and I cry because I don’t know how to stop that, I feel helpless, and my crying makes me even more angry, toward myself because I know how stupid and useless it is to keep crying endlessly. I really wish I could heal the world. That better place… I really want that for all humankind.

A.♥♥

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