I wanted to be clean for you
I wanted to renew myself, reborn
I wanted to dust off my soul
Clean up my heart
Clear up my mind.
I wanted it all new for you
That shower seemed to last for hours
I washed it all
I wanted to wash my interior.
I didn’t want you to suspect any of what has been
I wished the water could infiltrate within my body and run through my veins
So even my blood would have been refreshed
But these scars won’t fade away
The nightmares won’t let me sleep
The memories keep me distant from the present
The one that will never exist.